Passing; to the crossdresser community,it is sort of weird word. To some, it’s a “Holy Grail.” It represents an end result, a goal that to some may never be attained, and to others may simply be attained by putting on a pink shirt, and flicking their hair back…well, that may be an oversimplification. But I’ve known some girls who had a natural beauty where they simply did not appear to have to try very hard.
And yet, to others, passing represents a four letter word. The idea of passing or meeting others ideals leaves them feeling cold, unfulfilled, like the very word siphons the fun and excitement of crossdressing from their very soul. Instead of passing, they prefer to just ‘Be.’ They want to be happy, they want to be pretty, they want to just be themselves. They want to exude confidence. Oddly enough, the ones who want to pass need confidence, and the ones who want to be, have confidence. Strangely, the two camps have never really realized that confidence comes from simply being themselves, thats right, an extension of simply ‘being.’ But being themselves also comes with putting forth the effort to pass a little. But not so much that its an obsession, or the sole goal.
Thats a whole lot of balance between the two, but somewhere in the middle of all that is a sweet spot of perfection. Where everything comes together, where a girl can let loose, be herself, enjoy the moment, not fret overly about passing, or is her beard cover on good enough. Being able to get emotionally detached from the whole ordeal allows you to live in that moment. Thats something the whole world could learn to do really, not just crossdressers.
So many crossdressers use their crossdressing to get away from their humdrum world, as a form of escapism, but we get so wrapped up into the “legalism” of it all; the procedure, the mechanics, the drama, the politics, the fashion, the makeup, our hair, jewelry, the perfect perfume…I could go on and on. And while all those things go a long way to feeling pretty, how much have we escaped if we saddle ourselves with more stuff to worry and ponder about?
I’m not suggesting that none of that is worth thinking about, it sort of makes crossdressing what it is. I’m just suggesting to find a way balance it all out, find a minimalist approach so that you can enjoy more of what it is you are seeking to find, whether it be dressing, living, or whatever your enjoyment in life may be. Don’t fret about about passing, instead, seek to simply be confident. Confidence itself goes a lot farther in convincing people you are what you present.
A long time ago, in a life far away, I used to work undercover narcotics. In all of the undercover classes I took, and drug school classes I took, they could have summed it up in one sentence; If you act like you belong where you are at, people will assume you do. People in our society don’t like thinking about much. They process only what they need to get by generally. If it doesn’t impact them personally, a great many people just pay no attention. Call it self-absorbed or intently focused, it’s the general situation. You will have some people who are paying attention, but they will generally be the exception to the rule. But if you don’t care what their perception is, or how they see you, then you’ve already won.
When I do anything Caden related, I simply want to feel pretty, to get in touch with a part of my life that I feel I have to suppress because of my life, responsibilities, and gender role in this world. But when I get to cast that off, I feel a peace most people cannot or will not understand. If they had a clue, this might be easier for people to understand. If I could help people understand, I would do it in a heartbeat. But people like me do not fit into other peoples paradigm; they choose to understand things like football or baseball statistics, what fish they caught on vacation last year, or any other things that relevant or important to them in their life. Understanding and accepting their friend, brother, or neighbor seems to fall below the bottom of that list. If we spent just a proportional amount of time trying to understand that which we fear or do not understand, there are a great many woes of humanity we might fix.
Feeling pretty is something that is missing from my everyday life most of the time. I want to capture it so much in my day to day life, but simply cannot as much as I’d like. I firmly believe that is due in part to both the comfort I take from it, as well as the confidence I have while doing it. If I did not have confidence while doing it, It’d make me into a nervous wreck. Good night all, catch you tomorrow!
Ever & Always,