Facebook…what was I thinking.

So I recently decided it was time for Caden to enter social media. Yeah, I got (another) Facebook account. Oh I imagine the feds were loving that! While I’ve continuously had a web presence since the late nineties, It has been a long time since I ventured into chat rooms or social media. My first forays onto the net involved the old yahoo chat rooms, way back when you could create your own sub-genre rooms. It was there my early online education about my crossdressing began, and questions I’d had for decades began to get answered.

As time went on, I began to find yahoo groups and websites which continued to fill in the blanks and provide an endless stream of friends. But there was a constant in all of these explorations. This constant began to make me view this time of my life as my crossdressing puberty. Just as teen girls have to get used to people paying them more attention, I suddenly had to be aware of men taking an interest in me. Something which even today still turns my stomach. You had the obvious creepers who were obvious about what they wanted, the Don Juan’s who figured if they acted all romantic and seductive they would woo the “unsuspecting” crossdressers and TG. These creeps tended to “come to your rescue,” thinking if they tried to shut other creepers up, that you’d magically fall for their charms, or lack thereof. They were comical at best. Then there was the creepiest of the lot, the ones who pretended to be CD/TG to get into the good graces of the room regulars. They played a good game, and got plenty of attention, but eventually they would be outed as fakes, and things would go back to a normal pace.

I considered it my CD puberty, because I suddenly found myself having to fend off this unwanted attention. I had to figure out things that girls learn over their entire life. I had to develop social filters that were nonexistent in my mind. Those red flags that women get when somebody is acting creepy, I had to figure those out! I had to figure out delicate and not so delicate ways to shut down men’s advances. I also had to figure out ways to determine if somebody really was a CD/TG or faking it. I even had to figure out if a man was hitting on me. Like I had ever experienced that before. But there was also the fact that I was in denial that they would! I grew intensely angry that I was somebody’s fetish. I was suddenly a thing, not a person. With each dirty comment, I felt my humanity striped away. I felt that if they could they would strip away my respect. I suddenly understood feminism. I did not want to be an object. I despised their attentions. I wanted them to all go away. But the trolls as we called them, would not. They would not be denied, they knew what the object of their desire was, and they would have it, even if we had no intention of giving it to them. Of course there were girls who reveled in this sort of attention. Those weren’t the sort of girls I cared to associate with.

Now that I’ve returned to social style media, some of these same patterns have emerged. You have the same cast of characters out there. But wait, now there are even more! Yes, since the late nineties, the ol’ interwebz has spread throughout the world. So now there are Indian and Pakistani men who are enamored with CD/TGs. Let us also not forget the muslim men who constantly, did I say constantly, I meant CONSTANTLY are seeking out CD/TG, even if mohammed wouldn’t like it. They do not take rejection very well. None of the foreign men seem to.

At first I tried to be polite. If they poked me, messaged me, or attempted to send a friend request, I would simply send them a brief, polite message telling them I did not chat with, or friend men. Easy and polite enough right? Wrong. I was cursed at, I’m pretty sure my chastity was promised to a herd of a thousand camels, and I was also blocked. For simply being polite and respectable. Not knowing how many blocks it takes to get banned by Facebook, I had to go on the offensive. So at the first message, poke or request, the block hammer comes out. It is a shame one has to do that, to avoid being objectified, seen as somebody’s fetish, to have respect and humanity stripped from you. But I’ve never been about empowering creeps. All we can do is take a stand when it happens, and say I won’ stand for it!

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane


2 thoughts on “Facebook…what was I thinking.

  1. You bring up some good points and remind me of the old Yahoo chat room. All we wanted was to talk to someone. But the vultures……..they ruined it for everyone. Best Wishes, Julia


  2. I have had similar experiences and they are the main reason I tend to avoid chat rooms all together anymore. There really is only one I will visit on occasion, and fortunately it is well guarded so issues like this are rare.
    I’m kind of surprised to hear about the Muslim men, just wouldn’t have thought it. But watch out for those camels!


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