As you will recall, about two weeks ago, I was pondering telling a friend or friends about my dressing. After talking to Miss Girlfriend and my psychologist; I had elected to table the issue for bit. We came to that decision because none of us were sure how or when to proceed. It wasn’t exactly the course of action I wished to go with, but based on what we knew and our fears, it just made sense.
Then today happened. I received a series of text messages from my friend Rachel. https://southerncrossdresser.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/im-telling-you-or-am-i-2/ Rachel explained that she had been feeling guilty about something, and she wanted to come clean. She told me how during one of the two separations that my second ex-wife and I had, that my ex had told her I cross-dressed. Please keep in mind, my ex-wife only knew of my propensity to wear lingerie. But she had apparently communicated that desire to someone that was a professional peer, and a very close friend. Rachel felt Mrs. Ex-wife had done that in order to drive a wedge between Rachel and I. You see, Mrs. Ex-wife had a strong belief in “scorched earth tactics.” She did everything she could to make sure I had no support network. At this point, I have no way of knowing who all she told about my crossdressing.
If all she did was tell Rachel, then her plan backfired. Rachel was upset with herself due to the fact she had kept what Mrs. Ex-wife to herself, never telling me my ex had done that, and not talking to me to either validate it, or allow me to deny it. Upon hearing her confession, I had one of two choices. I could deny it; and if I had, Rachel confirmed she had been unsure if it was true, thinking Mrs. Ex-wife was simply being hateful and trying to lash out against my reputation. But she had also resolved that if what Mrs. Ex-wife had said was true, then if it made me happy, then it was fine by her. As you will recall, I knew Rachel wasn’t the judgmental type; that she was completely open minded. So my other option was to come clean with Rachel, and tell her exactly the truth.
Which is what I did. I told her who I was, what I did, how long I’ve done it, and showed her pictures. She was amazed at how good I looked. Her exact words were, “OMG YOU LOOK FREAKING STUNNING.” A higher compliment I could not have been paid. It felt amazing to be able to tell someone I was not romantically involved with. It felt awesome to hear her talk about wanting to go out with me and hang out with me while I was dressed as Caden. It was awesome to see her gush about my photos. But at the same time; I was a little disheartened. While I’ve harbored no love for Mrs. Ex-wife, I’ve tried so very hard to move away from resentment and hate. But oddly, I feel none of that even now. I simply see, as does Rachel, what Mrs. Ex-wife’s character really looks like. But I still cannot help but wonder how many friends she told in her effort to damage and hurt me. Recourse doesn’t seem to matter to me, and I’m finding I’m not as nervous and paranoid as I would have thought I’d be at the prospect of being outed.
I’ve suspected for a long time that she outed me to my brother and parents, however if they know, none of them have ever said anything; the denial runs deep with them, because they are especially bigoted. Which saddens me. But there is nothing I can do about that. Does this validate my concern she old my family? Difficult to say; they haven’t said much on the matter, save for a confrontation between my brother and I on the occasion of my first separation from Mrs. Ex-wife. Even then he only made innuendo, never outright saying what she had said.
So ignoring all the negatives, one of my closest friends now knows for a fact who Caden is. Rachel unknowingly validated me, allowed me to exist a little further in the real world. Rachel has increased my social abilities, and given me more options. I’m thankful Rachel decided to get that secret off her chest, in turn allowing me to fully share my private matter with her.
Ever & Always,