Intellectualize crossdressing?… Well maybe a little

So this morning I go onto Facebook to find a message from a member of the community. I cannot say friend, as we had never spoke before their “friend request,” but I try to allow as many people in the CD/TG spectrum on my list as I can. It is my target audience after all. She went into a brief intro and “how-do-you-do,” and then sort of launched into a rant.

Her rant was simply that I, “tend to intellectualize crossdressing too much.” For a few moments, I tried to ponder why that would be a bad thing. I never really could come with an answer. From my perspective; you understand something the deeper into the subject matter you delve. There are aspects to this which we barely skim over on a daily basis and our collective understanding of it really is at an infancy of sorts.

I fail to see how anybody can do something and not ask the relevant questions of why or how. Unless they simply would not like the answers they come upon. So for perspective and to say I’ve done my due diligence, I spent some time on that girls Facebook page. The best answer I could come up with is; she is a fetish dresser. You will note I do not say “just” a fetish dresser. Everyone is capable of growth. Without deeper context, I’ve no way of knowing how long she has been dressing. For all I know, fetish dressing is just a waypoint through her gender spectrum growth. Maybe she is fearful of that growth and where it may go in the future. As I’ve said earlier, I feel as TG/CD we tend to have our own little puberty or sorts; while we don’t go through hormonal or body changes, we have to learn certain social graces and skills.

My articles are not entirely meant to intellectualize or rationalize what we do or who we are. They represent a personal exploration of who I am, an expression of my thoughts and feelings, stories of hurdles and bumps I come to along the way. If along the way some self discovery happens worthy of intellectual debate or discussion, so be it. That’s all part of the learning process.

I suppose the positive take away from this is; never be fearful of who you are, or where you may end up. Fear has a nasty way of being a crippling emotion. It can hold you in your tracks until the moment of opportunity or decision has passed; thereby guaranteeing a sense of regret and longing. Never be afraid of what you may discover about yourself. Ignoring the truth means you are merely deluding and oppressing yourself. There are too many people out there who will delude or oppress you; why would you do that to yourself?

Lastly, please do me a personal favor, but also the community as a whole; pay positivity forward, let negativity die upon your ears. Build other girls and ladies up, be sincere, but build them up in a constructive, positive way. Negativity among ourselves fixes nothing. It helps or heals no one. It builds nothing, it contributes to no great or noble cause. Because of who we are, there are those who would bully us. Again, why would we do such a thing to ourselves when others are so happy to heap their abuses upon us? If your day to day life has negativity, allow your positivity to thrive in your feminine aspect or life. Make it your happy place, and pay that happiness and positivity forward.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane


10 thoughts on “Intellectualize crossdressing?… Well maybe a little

  1. Eggheading on basically every single thing in life is essentially my favorite sport. “The unexamined life is not worth living,” etc. Some people are always going to be threatened by intellectuals … their loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You know what? Intellectualise it all you like. I enjoy reading everything you write, it helps me understand some of the feelings my boyfriend might be feeling or in the very least it gives me topics to think about and discuss with him.

    We all struggle to understand ourselves even when we’re happy with the body we’re in. To be able to discuss it freely in this medium is a wonderful thing, you have support for what you’re going through and that’s all any of us really want, isn’t it? It’s somewhere you can go where you can feel free and accepted.

    Be yourself. Love yourself. You’re wonderful and thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for that validation! I do tend to feel free to express myself here, but also with Miss Girlfriend and my BFF Rachel. I try to keep in mind not everyone has the fortunes that I’ve had or the outlets. And I try to write in a way that gives others hope and positivity. It does my heart proud to know that it does in fact help other CD/TG as well as GG spouses! I really cannot thank you enough for your wonderful validation hon. It means so much!

      Ever & Always,
      A grateful Caden Lane


  3. Please carry on intellectualising. There is such a wide range of positions that we occupy in the trans* spectrum, and we move from one position to another as we develop, it is a fascinating subject in itself. I can’t help but wonder if someone who makes a comment about you over-intellectualising is possibly a bit insecure in their own identity and rather than confronting the issue doesn’t want to have to think about it. Often the implications of who we really are can be quite scary, so it would be understandable if someone wants to bury their head in the sand – I did for years. Making up for it now though!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There is certainly a cerebral approach to your posts and I enjoy it. I have spent a lifetime trying to dissect and understand what makes me tick and it’s nice to have other perspectives. Keep at it girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I really enjoyed reading this post, but there was one thing I disagree with or maybe think along a different way. Its all about fear. I think being fearful is a healthy thing. Fear tells me when part of me thinks I may not up to the task, there is a danger or something else now or in the future that may be harmful to me. To me it would be foolish not to pay attention to my fears. But I wouldn’t let my fear of who I am control my actions.

    I think that is true about all emotions. All emotions are indication about some part of ourselves. To trivialize or ignore them is doing the same to ourselves just in a different way. I also believe that all emotions can be good or bad. They are good when they helps us understand ourselves and what we should do to make our life better. They are bad when they have control and are the sole basis for the actions we make.

    So I would say pay attention to our fears, address anything they might have to say about us but at some point say “Ok I have done all I can, its time to go on regardless of my fears”. That way we respect ourselves and what we feel but remain in control at the same time πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I do agree; fear in the right doses and in the right context can be an excellent motivator, decision making tool, or filter. However, I was speaking to irrational, crippling fear. The sort of fear that makes us stand in our tracks, taking no course of action, or delaying our ability to act or decide. That is the sort of fear I hope to dissuade people from listening to.

      Ever & Always,
      Caden Lane

      Liked by 1 person

      • So we are on the same track so to speak πŸ™‚ I think sometimes people get the wrong impression when hearing not be fearful. I hear a lot of people say to me that means they are a coward for having fears, that they should ignore them and just charge straight ahead when told not to be fearful of who they are. I tell them its alright, just don’t let the fears make the decision for you.

        I also liked your message of being positive and supporting each other. That is what we really need in our community and in our interactions in general. Nothing is gained by being negative and trying to put each other down. If anything we can show by our actions of being positive who we really are to each other and those outside the community. In the process do more to take down those myths and mistruths about us.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Intellectualising the subject is exactly what is required. How otherwise are we to find ourselves. I spend quite a proportion of time thinking about where I am and where I am going on this trans* journey. I have only just stumbled on your blog and having read a few at random I do like what I am reading. Yes there are so many levels within the trans* spectrum as you righly say and there is ample room for all. Keep the blogs coming and keep them intellectual.

    Liked by 1 person

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