Good day all! Please pardon this article, it was drafted over the course of several days, and was immediately preempted by Miss Girlfriend and Molly’s big reveal.. I felt that article took priority over this one.
So last Thursday, I spoke with Miss Girlfriend about an upcoming cruise we are taking in March. The problem; I couldn’t remember the conversation, at least not completely. You see, that same day, I had a dental appointment, and I had been given some Halcyon for anxiety. Pre-procedure protocol had me taking the Halcyon thirty minutes before, and we had the Cruise conversation shortly after I took the medicine. I tend to absorb meds very quickly due to the nature of my Bariatric Surgery. Apparently, Halcyon sort of sneaks up on you too.
Another thing it did, is it kept me from remembering what I had done before I even took the pill! Oh yeah, there are no potentials for abuse with that drug at all. It’s a potential date rape drug! If you can’t vividly recall where you were or who you were with before you were dosed, and you can’t recall what you did after you were dosed, thats bad. Mix it with alcohol, and it gets worse exponentially. The scariest part was when they decided I needed a second dose due to my anxiety; the Dentist told the Hygienist to grind it up and put it under my tongue. I do recall it had no taste when they did that. So a tasteless drug that prevents new memory, kills recent memories, and is made worse with alcohol. Seems legit.
I swear, I lost most of that day. It was not until mid afternoon that I fully woke up, and even then Miss Girlfriend had to give me a rundown of the days events, conversations, and purchases. Until she told me, I had no idea where all that yogurt came from.
The only comparison I have is imagine a bowl of clear broth soup, with a few pieces of noodle floating around in it representing your memories, and the only way you have to fish them out is your fingertips. But you can’t get a good grasp on the noodles. That was a metaphor for me trying to remember details. I had a few whisps of memories, but nothing I’d call tangible or full. I’m sorry, I went way off topic here.
So anyhow, while talking about the cruise, she told me she wanted me to have an evening where I could go to dinner and a show as Caden. Thank goodness she told me again, or else I might have not known to pack! So that disaster was averted. So now I get to fret about what to wear, because I am a planner like that. It also does not help that I very much enjoy this cruise line and anything associated with it. So I tend to become very goal oriented when planning for these sorts of trips.
But to me, planning for a trip is part of the fun. Also shopping for the trip, packing for the trip, thinking about the trip, and talking about it as well. So, its a good thing I’m a blogger now. One of the things that has come up during my thinking about the cruise is an interesting detail. I’ll just outright say it; it is a Disney cruise. I’m a huge Disney fanatic, so I really do enjoy the cruises and parks. Miss Girlfriend enjoys the parks, but has never been on a cruise. I hope to convert her on this trip.
The issue that has come up is dinner. You see, on a Disney cruise, you keep your wait staff every time you switch to another restaurant. This is handy because they keep your drink and meal preferences and you do not have to remind them of anything.
So here is the problem; if I go dressed the first night, it creates this expectation of whats to follow the next few nights. The same can be said about showing up all week as my drab self, and then *POOF* suddenly Caden shows up. Whats the wait staff going to make of that. Nobody likes to make a scene, most especially me, and I prefer to blend, because pass is a four letter word to me. So how does one blend in this scenario? Should I just say to hell with it, bust that barrier wide open, expectations be damned and say, “Hi, I’m Caden tonight!”
My instincts say to just be me, and not fret about those details. We have a private table, so we aren’t sharing with a family with kids, the wait staff won’t know me, and it’s my vacation. They are Disney staff, so I can only presume they are well versed on how to handle situations like this. I think I was making a big deal over a small matter. The root of my concern was; I do not wish to do anything that will draw ridicule to Miss Girlfriend. I’ve come to accept that who I am will occasionally draw unwanted attention and ridicule; no matter how I feel about that; no matter how right or wrong it is. But I do not wish to do anything which would cast a bad light on her, hamper an experience for her, or make her regret or resent Caden or my time as Caden.
My initial instinct was to not worry about it, and not mention my concerns. It just didn’t seem like that big a deal at first. But that is not fair to Miss Girlfriend, no matter how big a deal it is or is not. It goes against the important communication understanding we have, I shall not violate that trust she has in me. So I’ve resolved to talk to her about it, I just hope it doesn’t end up killing my opportunity to have a very classy Caden evening on the trip. Oh what a delicate balance.
Ever & Always,
An overly balanced Caden Lane