Forgotten Dental visit and Cruise vacation woes

Good day all! Please pardon this article, it was drafted over the course of several days, and was immediately preempted by Miss Girlfriend and Molly’s big reveal.. I felt that article took priority over this one.

So last Thursday, I spoke with Miss Girlfriend about an upcoming cruise we are taking in March. The problem; I couldn’t remember the conversation, at least not completely. You see, that same day, I had a dental appointment, and I had been given some Halcyon for anxiety. Pre-procedure protocol had me taking the Halcyon thirty minutes before, and we had the Cruise conversation shortly after I took the medicine. I tend to absorb meds very quickly due to the nature of my Bariatric Surgery. Apparently, Halcyon sort of sneaks up on you too.

Another thing it did, is it kept me from remembering what I had done before I even took the pill! Oh yeah, there are no potentials for abuse with that drug at all. It’s a potential date rape drug! If you can’t vividly recall where you were or who you were with before you were dosed, and you can’t recall what you did after you were dosed, thats bad. Mix it with alcohol, and it gets worse exponentially. The scariest part was when they decided I needed a second dose due to my anxiety; the Dentist told the Hygienist to grind it up and put it under my tongue. I do recall it had no taste when they did that. So a tasteless drug that prevents new memory, kills recent memories, and is made worse with alcohol. Seems legit.

I swear, I lost most of that day. It was not until mid afternoon that I fully woke up, and even then Miss Girlfriend had to give me a rundown of the days events, conversations, and purchases. Until she told me, I had no idea where all that yogurt came from.

The only comparison I have is imagine a bowl of clear broth soup, with a few pieces of noodle floating around in it representing your memories, and the only way you have to fish them out is your fingertips. But you can’t get a good grasp on the noodles. That was a metaphor for me trying to remember details. I had a few whisps of memories, but nothing I’d call tangible or full. I’m sorry, I went way off topic here.

So anyhow, while talking about the cruise, she told me she wanted me to have an evening where I could go to dinner and a show as Caden. Thank goodness she told me again, or else I might have not known to pack! So that disaster was averted. So now I get to fret about what to wear, because I am a planner like that. It also does not help that I very much enjoy this cruise line and anything associated with it. So I tend to become very goal oriented when planning for these sorts of trips.

But to me, planning for a trip is part of the fun. Also shopping for the trip, packing for the trip, thinking about the trip, and talking about it as well. So, its a good thing I’m a blogger now. One of the things that has come up during my thinking about the cruise is an interesting detail. I’ll just outright say it; it is a Disney cruise. I’m a huge Disney fanatic, so I really do enjoy the cruises and parks. Miss Girlfriend enjoys the parks, but has never been on a cruise. I hope to convert her on this trip.

The issue that has come up is dinner. You see, on a Disney cruise, you keep your wait staff every time you switch to another restaurant. This is handy because they keep your drink and meal preferences and you do not have to remind them of anything.

So here is the problem; if I go dressed the first night, it creates this expectation of whats to follow the next few nights. The same can be said about showing up all week as my drab self, and then *POOF* suddenly Caden shows up. Whats the wait staff going to make of that. Nobody likes to make a scene, most especially me, and I prefer to blend, because pass is a four letter word to me. So how does one blend in this scenario? Should I just say to hell with it, bust that barrier wide open, expectations be damned and say, “Hi, I’m Caden tonight!”

My instincts say to just be me, and not fret about those details. We have a private table, so we aren’t sharing with a family with kids, the wait staff won’t know me, and it’s my vacation. They are Disney staff, so I can only presume they are well versed on how to handle situations like this. I think I was making a big deal over a small matter. The root of my concern was; I do not wish to do anything that will draw ridicule to Miss Girlfriend. I’ve come to accept that who I am will occasionally draw unwanted attention and ridicule; no matter how I feel about that; no matter how right or wrong it is. But I do not wish to do anything which would cast a bad light on her, hamper an experience for her, or make her regret or resent Caden or my time as Caden.

My initial instinct was to not worry about it, and not mention my concerns. It just didn’t seem like that big a deal at first. But that is not fair to Miss Girlfriend, no matter how big a deal it is or is not. It goes against the important communication understanding we have, I shall not violate that trust she has in me. So I’ve resolved to talk to her about it, I just hope it doesn’t end up killing my opportunity to have a very classy Caden evening on the trip. Oh what a delicate balance.

Ever & Always,
An overly balanced Caden Lane



9 thoughts on “Forgotten Dental visit and Cruise vacation woes

  1. I was thinking about your dilemma and came up with this idea for a possible solution. When you start the cruise, talk to the cruise director. Tell them the situation. Tell them that some nights you will be Caden and other nights your drab self. Even tell them how they should address you depending on which way your presenting. That your telling them this to avoid any possible confusion when you show up for dinner.

    The director should know who your wait staff will be and tell them what to expect. This way when you show up for dinner they know what to expect and are not surprised by it. Therefore not causing any scene at dinner.

    The cruise director and wait staff will be professional enough to be discrete about it and protect your privacy. Probably had similar situations in the past and well not think twice about it. But by knowing beforehand want to expect and how they should act then it doesn’t become an issue.

    But I would only tell the cruise director to keep the information to only those people that need to know it.

    Definitely tell Miss Girlfriend your concerns and what you think. Doesn’t hurt to here what she thinks about it. She might not think its a problem at all regardless of what happens. Throw around any ideas to resolve any concerns you might have about it. But I think communication is the ideal for making this a wonderful cruise for both of you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just do it. Confidence! Just one night, (maybe the last night if you’re worried), get dressed up and go to dinner!

    You don’t have to make apologies for who you are. Who cares what anyone thinks? Just go out and be yourself like it’s the most normal thing in the world because it should be.

    Honestly, the secret is confidence. From both of you. Miss Girlfriend has the confidence to stand by you, she seems so encouraging, she will be there by your side, remember you’re not alone.

    Doooo iiiit!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Confidence isn’t something I usually lack. This is less about confidence, and more about Miss Girlfriend. She tends to be my sheepdog; she is always concerned about what people will say or do to me when I’m dressed. Criticism of me would devastate her. lack of tolerance of me would draw her ire. I’m sure in the past when we’ve gone out, I’ve drawn attention. It is simply an inevitability. But this is a slightly different case in that we will have encountered this room full of people all weekend. Including the wait staff. While most people won’t have noticed me en drab, they will certainly take notice of Caden. Wait staff will certainly; they will have my male name listed on their server computer, right down to my drink preferences from my last few visits. I just don’t want to damage her experience or shadow the evening. I may very well be making a bigger deal of this than necessary. She may wake up, read the article, and tell me it’s okay. But she may also have not thought about the detail of the wait staff, since this is her first cruise. I feel if nothing else I have to do my due diligence, and at least prepare her for this, rather than it be a surprise. I’m a full disclosure kind of girl!

      Ever & Always,
      Caden Lane

      Liked by 1 person

      • Has anyone on the forums had a similar cruise experience that you could draw upon?

        The other comment above is a good idea too. Perhaps make an anonymous call and ask what their policy on CD/TG is and decide what to do from there?

        I bet everything would be fine if you chose to present as Caden. You’ll never know if you don’t do it though!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m thinking it will be okay, from my perspective. I just worry about Miss Girlfriends perspective. Until I hear from her on this, I’m just sort of in a holding pattern. To give her credit; it was her idea initially, I did not prod her or ask for the evening to do this. It was her gift to me for my gift of the cruise. It was both thoughtful and considerate, and I appreciate it unendingly. I just want her to be able to make the most well informed decision she can, so there cannot be any regret or resentment later on. We will hammer this out and come to a resolution; I’ve got faith in us to that end. Right now, it is just the not knowing that is killing me!

        Ever & Always,
        Caden Lane

        Liked by 1 person

      • Its great that you’re so considerate! She is obviously prepared to take this journey with you, trust me she would have given it a lot of thought.

        It’s so much easier when you’ve got a partner in crime! You will both be ok. The less attention you pay to anyone else and the more you pay to each other, the more you will relax and the more you will both enjoy yourselves 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. A cruise adventure would be enticing. I may even come out a bit more for something like that if my wife was on-board (pun intended). The only reservation I would have is the Disney aspect, which I equate to families and kids. Seems like it could be a potential hornets nest of conservative bias. Just a thought…


    • Well, Disney does have Gay days, and they have specific cruises that are geared specifically to the GLBT crowd. Also, there are adults only areas and times. I’ve been to Disney proper while dressed, so I’ve no reservations about it myself. It’s been my experience that people will not pay attention to things that do not impact their little realm of interest. People are by and large, self centered. People tend to treat situations like that with confirmation bias; they prefer explanations that they can relate to. Occassionally, you’ll encounter a meathead who feels morally obliged to call it like he sees it, even if it means being a douchebag. But I’ve encountered very few of those, and I wont simply take someones verbal abuses.

      But overall, in all of my experiences on DIsney Cruises or in the parks, people just want to enjoy their vacation, and outside influence is rarely a factor.

      If I had worried about what other people thought, I may have never stepped out my front door. As it is, I intend to live my life, and nobody could really deter me from that. So I intend to go to the places I enjoy, dressed the ways I enjoy dressing. I wish the same for all of us.

      Ever & Always,
      Caden Lane


      • That’s just my ignorance about what a Disney cruise is. Never would have thought of them being so open minded. Very cool!
        I know you are comfortable being out and amongst the world, I was just thinking more from your protectionist instinct for Miss Girlfriend. But again, I was uninformed so no worries.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s