In an article a few weeks back, I spoke of a Sorority I had attempted to start up here in Savannah. The idea was to create a social and support group that was geared towards a classier presentation and did not delve into the seedier side of things with all the sex. Something this area desperately needed. I had such high hopes for the effort, I had monumental goals too.
I set about setting up a message board for it, and an infant website. Before I knew it, It had twenty members! I was ecstatic, my dream was starting to come true. The bylaws were coming together, we had a group voting on prospective members, it was all coming together nicely.
To this day, I cannot say what happened exactly. But activity dropped off, new membership dropped off; it was devastating to me. THE Sorority: Savannah represented a dream of mine, on a grand scale. I had a vision where the membership dues could eventually go towards a clubhouse, with locker space and changing rooms tailored to our needs, so that sisters who needed to store stuff and change on premise, could. There wa a plan to have bar space, as well as social dens, and our own little ballroom. I was intending to use a business model utilized by Swingers clubs that I had previously visited when I was active in that lifestyle. Those clubs allowed nonmembers to buy into a certain level of access to the club, so that should they decide to show, they were already a member, and had certain perks afforded them. However they would not be full members. Full members of course would pay for that privilege as well.
As I said; I had big dreams. There are several reasons I think membership waned; there were about three key events which took place around that same time. Nothing terrible, there was a specific member I recruited due to her connections within the local community, there were a drive to have our first group outing, and a member had been voted on, and subsequently turned down as a prospect, due to their stalking of one of the newer members. The system we had put in place worked. It allowed us to filter out someone who was a risk to membership and sisters alike. We later learned that the girl in question tended to have a predatory nature with a lot of other CD’s and TG’s. The member I recruited, well, I had heard things, and she had her own groups as well; so I can only wonder what her motives were. But I seriously wonder if the group meeting is what truly shut things down. None o the ladies who were members struck me as being fully or really even part time out. I wonder if perhaps the Sorority was too much too soon, and if they withdrew out of fear of what they felt they were getting themselves into.
I tried to be a good cheerleader; to be positive and supportive, not pushy or demanding, and I feel I had made a few really decent friends. But even those friendships dried up out of nowhere. So for a long time, I took the failure of the Sorority very personal. I felt I had failed to organize it properly, and I felt I had failed as a friend somehow since even those friendships had dried up and flitted away. But then I realized; I had tried. I had stepped from my comfort zones, that safe place where people wish somebody would create or do something that they know they need or want, the safe place where dreams and daydreams happen. I stepped from that safe place into the place of doing it, creating it. I actually made it; it was there for the taking. It was tangible and real, and I had offered it to others. They had simply failed to see my vision, or wish to see it through, or partake. Maybe they lacked the resolve or courage, and no amount of cheerleading I could do would have changed that. I had lived up to my part of the bargain. I created the space for them to be, I had offered my support and my friendship. I had not failed.
That experience served as a springboard for my jump into blogging. I waited a year before I took the leap, I even took a hiatus from Crossdressers.com (not that dramatic kind of “I’m taking a hiatus,” just a quiet sort of semi-lurking.) I was a little gun-shy, I had realized I had not failed, but I did not wish to see my blogging efforts turn out similar to my efforts with the Sorority. But despite that fear and those reservations, I decided to take that leap again. I wrote from my heart, mingled it with the deeper and introspective parts of my mind and soul. And it began to come together. Hoping not to jinx it; but it is still coming together, I certainly hope it will continue to get bigger, and reach it’s audience at every turn. I have legitimately enjoyed every turn in the road of blogging so far, I’ve met amazing people, been able to have amazing opportunities, and expand my horizons as Caden. I now feel like I have more of an identity as Caden, but I also feel as though Caden has a place and purpose in this world now.
Ever & Always,
Caden Lane
A Southern Transgender 
No you did not fail. What you came up against was the many aspects of human nature. Too many have a selfish agenda in that they cannot see past their own desires to that of a greater good. I truly admire what you had attempted to do. Filtering prospective members is not always an easy task. Here in The North of Ireland we have a group very much similar to what your vision had been. We don’t have the bar facility but we do have storage lockers, a place to change and a common meeting room. This became possible mainly through the vision of a few club members who twenty odd years ago very successfully applied for and obtained grant aid funding. That funding from various outside bodies continued up until two years ago. Since becoming a member in 2006 I had always advocated that as members we should be self reliant or at least make that our ultimate goal, and since becoming finance officer I have had some success in that respect. As a group we can now just about cover premises rent and basic running costs but we are are doing it which is what counts. We can attract our fair share of undesirables and it now takes more than one person to approve full membership. (We do get use of an alternative venue once per month to meet and greet new prospective members) This way the admirers, the unstable etc can be kept at least at arms length and away from the main club premises.
I have just found your blog and what I have read so far I love. Do keep it going. I myself after almost a year or being afraid to open up on a public forum am enjoying blogging and ‘meeting’ some new friends.
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I have been a the backend of so many failed organizational attempts in various areas. It’s always tempting to take it personally, but the truth is most people are content to sit back and wait for someone else to lead them to water. But a successful club requires a core group of people who are willing to do the legwork. You can’t do it alone!
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I know for myself that I am grateful that despite your fears and reservation that you enrich my life with the sharing of ideas and thoughts you have on your blog. You show me wonderful insight in what you write about and things I never thought of before until you brought them up 🙂 So thank you so much for your blog 🙂
When your up to trying again, I would give your Sorority another attempt. I have seen this a lot myself in organizing groups. Everybody is really excited at first (what I call the honeymoon stage). But once that wears off then the questions come up. Is this going to last? What are the leaders like? Can I trust them? Should I bother investing my time and energy in case this falls through? and a host of other questions. This is natural because it is new and there is nothing to go on to form answers to those questions.
Then that incident happens. Even though it worked out for you it now is an experience in people’s minds. Not a good one that something like this happen. Now the doubts and fears seem assured and they leave. It just bad timing for you that this happen. Because if it happen after it been established for a while then no one would bother to leave since they have the other experiences and the fact that your place is established to go on.
So to me it had nothing to do with you or your idea. Just really bad timing that it happen when it did. But anyway that is my theory. Who knows to be truthful what was really going through the membership mind when they fail to show up or care anymore. Regardless I am truly happy that you started the blog and write from your heart because it means so much to me 🙂
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You gave it a shot and that’s what matters. Hopefully when the time is right, you can try it again.
I can actually sympathize from the other side. When a similar thing was discussed for my local area I was enthused and excited. I was also way ahead of myself. When the reality of going out and meeting others really hit home, it started to scare the hell out of me. I also had no idea how my wife would have taken the idea. Pretty soon, one by one the numbers started to dwindle. I apologized to the core group and hoped they could pull it off without me, because who knew might happen in the future. Instead it died within weeks. Truthfully I am much more able to participate in something like that now vs back then.
-ValS
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I would love to meet up with other girls spend time tougher helping and teaching each other. Have been having a hard time finding people to share my inner woman with . I have been wanting to go shopping dressed up, or go have my makeup and hair done. I do buy my own makeup and have tried on some lady’s clothes but really hard to see the look with out my chest on. I want to find a group that meets up and helps one another. I have been telling more lady’s seeing If they would help, just a makeup and shopping friend and some pointers. A lot of this is hard being a 6 foot 3 250 pound crossdresser. Email. Me at. Mrstumpfcs@Yahoo.com
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Sorry for the late response to your message Brittany, I had taken a hiatus from posting for a bit. It might be easier if you locate social groups that are close to you. My group was intended to be a regional/ local effort. I had taken notice that many groups like that tend to draw in members from all over; but for a social group such as that, it needs members who are active and available to be socially engaged.
You might try online sites like crossdressers.com or tvchix.com and see if you can find other locals close to you. Just lurk for a bit and find out where and how you can communicate your needs and goals on whatever site you go to; that way they don’t delete your posts for a terms of service violation; which would only serve to be frustrating.
Rest assured dear, you are not alone. I myself am 6’2″ and about 250ish… Heavy on the -ish. If you are local to savannah, ha, let me know and we will see what we can do to get you on a social track!
Ever & Always,
Cadence Lane
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