Drive the place like you own it… Or stole it!

Recently, another CD posed a question in a Facebook group we are both members of. She said,
“So I might be making my first step out with others in public for the 1st time in April, is there anything I need to know as a cross dresser…”

Among the many responses, mine was,
“Wherever you are, act like you own it. Thats the best way to have fun, and have confidence. Remember poise and posture, don’t slump your shoulders, walk with your shoulders back, and smile. The night will be yours, so just enjoy it!”

A few days later I received a private message from her asking how could she do the things I had suggested. I went on to explain to her what I’ve found to make outings more enjoyable. By acting like you own the place, you act sort of like the hostess. Engage people, simply ask if they are having a good time at the club or party. Find ways to enter the conversation that way, it allows you to be engaging. Act and feel like the party revolves around you; that you are the life of the party.

This makes you more approachable, and people will interpret it as confidence. Confidence is a hell of an aphrodisiac, but it also makes people want to talk to you and be around you. Be positive and outgoing.

When I say do not slump your shoulders, there are several reasons. The first is presentation. Slumped shoulders is a decidedly un-feminine trait and behavior. If you slump your shoulders, odds are you will be read or “clocked” as a crossdresser. If we can avoid this, we should.

Second is body language; if anyone walks around, shoulders slumped, they give the impression of someone who has lost hope and/or lacks confidence. As I alluded earlier; confidence is what you wish to exude. It is difficult to shake a person with confidence, so most people will not try. Meaning, even if they clock or read you, but you are confident in who you are and that you belong there, they begin to question why. They wonder what or who you may know that makes you so confident. Do you know the hostess or owner? Are you the owner? If you are so confident, then you must be witty enough to counter any slur or degrading remark they might sling at you. There might be some whom would challenge a confident person, but they aren’t exactly known for being bright.

To walk with confidence and poise, walk like you have a string coming out of the top of your head pulling your neck and back straight. Pull your shoulders back in a natural fashion; do not force it, this gives you a natural feminine poise and grace as you walk in heels. That’s the other key; practice this in your heels, but take a book, place it squarely on top of your head. Now walk with your back straight and shoulders back. Not only will this exercise help you find poise, but it will also help you find your proper stride and gait. When you get good enough at it, you’ll be walking at your full high heeled speed, and the book won’t budge.

If you are shy and introverted in your male life, allow your femme self to be everything you aren’t in your day to day life. Then, find a way to bring the positivity and outgoing demeanor to your male life. Think of it this way, this is your chance to re-invent yourself, to be the version of you you’ve always seen as an ideal. You get to take that from just an ideal version, or a vague idea or concept, and bring it into existence. So be something awesome!

Don’t settle for your status quo! There is no reason why we shouldn’t be able to be who we really want to be behind our hair and makeup; nobody knows the real us, unless we let them in that far. But if we do a good enough job re-inventing ourselves into our femme ideal, then we get to take that same energy and life into our male world, and sort of re-invent that too. Because once you taste the zest and life of living a more carefree life as your femme persona, how much would it suck to go back to your drab life, knowing you have to wait to be You again to experience life with that much zest!

So take the parts of you that create that excitement, and blend them into the aspects of your life. Like I said, find your confidence, engage people, do what you wouldn’t ordinarily do (without compromising your morals or scruples) and be who you ordinarily aren’t, what is it going to hurt? They don’t know you. And heres the kicker, if they know you are a crossdresser, they sort of expect you to have a bigger than life personality; they sort of equate CD with drag queen. Which is wrong on a lot of levels, but it works to your favor. So ramp it up a little, have fun with it. Find that inner you thats lurking around in there. If they do not know you are a CD, then they have no metric for comparison; they’ve no idea how fun you are, so show them.

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane


5 thoughts on “Drive the place like you own it… Or stole it!

  1. Brilliant post Caden, lots of great tips. I had heard it said before that if you act like you’re meant to be there, people will assume that there’s nothing untoward in you being there, and your have really expanded on that so well. I’m going to remember to try to act like the hostess, even if I’m not!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Excellent advice indeed. I am learning this as I venture out more and more. Possibly the biggest help will be the ability to ‘blend’ but to also feel good by what you wear. Act like you have every right to be where you are which of course you have.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is good advice en femme or en homme. I had to break out of my natural shyness because I wanted to be a musician … aside from just performing this also requires the ability to identify and chat up important people without being self-conscious about it.

    I learned to ask questions. People like to talk about themselves, so if I lead with a question the conversation just proceeds naturally from there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such a great post and one of those posts I wish more people could see. Because it is about confidence and projecting that. One thing to keep in mind is that we may know the imperfections in ourselves, but other people do not. So if you go out projecting that confidence through body posture and how you interact with people then people will not notice those imperfections. But if we go out nervous and worried then it draws people to notice those imperfections because they are wondering “Why are they nervous and worried. Is it something I should be worried and nervous about also?”.

    This would be one of those topics that it would be great to ask people what they consider ways to “own the place” when they go out. I like Kit’s replay about asking questions. Myself I will ask a good friend to come with me for the first time, just to be there and provide moral support. Take all these suggestions and make them into an article. I know a lot of people that if they could understand how to “own the place” they would become more socially active.


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