Blend to be…and live deliberately.

Recently while posting on two different threads were posted, but somehow they intertwined on a level I didn’t perceive at the time. My answers tended to fall along the same patterns. The first question was essentially; Do you blend to pass as a genetic female or do you blend to be respected as a person if you are perceived to be trans.

My response follows;

“I’d have to pick Blend to be…

Blend to be me, to be happy, and blend to be safer, Blend to be wearing that sexy lingerie, little black dress, and heels rather than those ugly slacks and men’s shoes. Blend to be present and I suppose unobtrusive or draw unwanted attentions, blend to be another person at the party, and blend to be satisfied with my efforts. I do not need the respect of people I do not know, I do not need their validation, although it can be welcome if freely given. And do I really have their respect if they have to presume I am a genetic female while in their midst? If they know I’m Trans and respect me for being there dressed as I am, then I’d feel I had made a spectacle of myself. I did not go to a party for attention or being treated differently, I went to be another party goer. Being me is all I can ask for out of life, and nothing makes me happier.”

The second question was; what defines us? Does the clothes we wear define who we are? Will the job you’ll do define who you are? The good things you do or crime you commit will they define you? What defines a human beings. Have we lost the purpose of existence?

My answer follows:

“What defines us is different for each and every person. Unless you are speaking in a broader term and are referring to CD/TG a whole.

On the personal level, who we are defines who we are. Whatever moral guide or compass you follow, whatever decision making process you have, the sum total of your choices good and bad. The legacy you leave, the lives you touch, the absence of your passing, and who feels that. Those are the tangibles and intangibles that represent a small portion of what defines us and makes us who we are.

What we wear does not define us, unless we choose to take that, and the mantle of defending those who wear the same and defend them, and make efforts towards fighting for their rights. Then, in a way, what you wore defined you; it lead you to become an activist for others. But in that example, the act of wearing clothes wasn’t the defining element, it was merely a catalyst for greater things.

As for the purpose of existence; that too is based on each individual. Our goals are our own, what we seek out of life, and what we get out of life are all on us. The purpose of my existence is to simply be. To exist, to leave a good legacy, a positive mark in other’s lives, to be a memory somewhere. To have been the best me I could be, to be the happiest me I can be. To me, that is the epitome of “simply being.” By doing that, we “live deliberately” as Thoreau said.”

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane


2 thoughts on “Blend to be…and live deliberately.

  1. I think you have reached the right conclusion. You need to be who you are and not try to force yourself into being what you are not. At my size (over 6′ tall and over 250 lbs) and my age (over 60) I do not live in fool’s paradise and think that any amount of makeup will convince more folks than not that I am anything other than a large man in a dress. I nevertheless do the best I can to look as neat, clean and proper as any other woman of my age, etc. There is an old story of the hanging judge who sentenced a 65 year old man to a 40 year prison term. THe defendant protested to the judge that at 65 he would never make it to the full 40 year term. The judge quipped back to “Just do the best you can”. I think the same holds true for me in many aspects of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I’m 6’02” tall, and about 260ish after loosing a respectable 170ish pounds this past year. I feel I do a great job of blending, and that most folks pay me no mind. When dressed, I’m usually just being. I’m content and happy. I do not consider it a fools paradise to want to blend or pass, our existence is what we make of it. If someone feels they pass, yet are not emotionally invested in what others might think of them or whether others think they pass or not, that they’ve reached a ace in their life where they are content and happy. That’s all that really matters in the end. Others do not enjoy the luxury of living your life. Their input usually matters very little unless we allow it. I prefer not to empower their negativity. God knows I empowered enough negativity about my weight before my surgery. I’ve learned hard lessons from that. In the end, the choice to loose weight was mine. It was not based on a desire to get others validation or make the hateful comments stop. It was done for my own health, my own self validation… And so I could get into those really cute lingerie and clothing outfits!

      Essentially, we can only be who we are. And you are right, we can do our best to be the best us we can be. But we shouldn’t tell ourselves its a fools paradise to aspire to a certain level of perfection in our mind. When we loose sight of that goal, we have nothing tangible to shoot for.

      Ever & Always,
      Caden Lane

      Liked by 1 person

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