Groundwork

Short post for today. Tuesday I had my appointment with my psychologist. After covering some other things on my mind, I finally told her about my recent dreams and where my thinking and feelings were. I think she was caught off guard how much thought I had put into things when she asked me who I thought I would lose if I came out. She believed now in my life would not be the time to come out. I agree. Will there ever be a time? I don’t know. But she agreed that Miss Girlfriend does not want to think of herself as a lesbian by being involved with me when I am presenting as a woman. Which would present a problem in the longterm…if there were a longterm. Unless she has a significant paradigm shift in the meantime. But groundwork was laid today. So that is a start.

 

Ever,

Caden

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4 thoughts on “Groundwork

  1. So, these comments beg the following questions:
    – Who would you lose if you came out? Miss Girlfriend? Others? All of the above?
    – Why is now not the right time? When is? How long do you delay?
    – What is the long-term prognosis for your relationship?
    – What groundwork are you laying? What’s the goal? Do you know what the goal is?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oddly enough, all easy answers. I personally feel like I’d stand to loose my entire family; children, parents, sibling, and nieces/nephews. I truly believe I have a small group of friends who would accept me no matter what however. Strange that one can rely more on friendships than kinships. I would almost certainly lose Miss Girlfriend. Sadly, I think these circumstances go even beyond the scope of her ability to accept, cope, understand or tolerate.

      Now is not the right time, as I have two children who are on the verge of graduating high school. One very soon, another in several years. If all else fails, then I at least have several “good years” left with them, typical Adolescent moodiness notwithstanding. I suppose their being gone would signal the outside of the delay really, if a diagnosis were to signal the need to transition.

      The prognosis for my relationship, were there no extenuating circumstances would be; strong.
      Our relationship has strong potential for the long term. Perhaps the strongest of my life. I am more emotionally invested in this relationship than any other in my life, the emotional reciprocity is the strongest I’ve ever experienced and the acceptance and understanding has been the highest I’ve ever received. We’re it not for this new turn in things, I’d have no worries relationship-wise.

      I suppose groundwork for transition, if a diagnosis reveals that as a need. My ultimate goal is to just be happy in my own skin, happy in life and just be who I am, no matter who that ends up being. I wish I had better answers for you, but these are my answers, so much as I understand them right now.

      Ever & Always,
      Caden Lane

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Caden
    Finding a balance of your male and female components is important and it does not come easily or quickly and you are not likely incharge of the timing of when it comes. I see you follow a lot of blogs but I would suggest you check out “Musings from my Everyday Life” at http://joannabefree.blogspot.com/. She does amaqing research and she has found a balance where she gets out and about as Joanna with enough regularity to keep her gender dysphoria under control.
    Pat

    Like

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