Love Transcends

There is one truth in life that surpasses all other truths; that in its purest form can transcend all barriers. In its purest form, it can bridge the distances, connect times and memories, transcend wealth or beauty, social status, race, gender, religion, political difference, allegiance or loyalty. We often do not choose it, we cannot choose it; it usually chooses us. Often it catches us unawares and unprepared. It is such a powerful truth, it can transcend the entire breadth of our human existence. There is an inherent beauty in the truth that has more beauty than the most beautiful newborn baby, the most colorful and awe inspiring sunrise, sunset, or tropical isle. 
That one truth is Love. Love can erase the lines that keep people apart. It can be a driving force for change, it can be the glue that binds people together. It can connect two people who for no other reason would ever connect. Love can take a man or woman or any combination thereof, and make them vow to change for the better and mean it. It can make a better person of anyone who truly experiences it; it can bring out the best in a person. It doesn’t matter how we Love or who we Love, sometimes it doesn’t even matter what that Love looks like; so long as we Love. Because it is then that Love lives, and breaths, meets it’s purpose, is multiplied and truly blessed. 
The sad truth about the Love truth is; it’s so fleetingly rare. In its truest, most unconditional form, it is not found easily, and when it is, it is not always understood. It can be misconstrued, devalued or cheapened, negotiated away, mistaken for something else, denied or refuted. We are so not used to seeing it, feeling it, or experiencing it, demonstrating it or communicating it; we often lack the ability to see it, fully appreciate or interpret it for what it is, and what it can do. These misunderstandings often lead to us taking it for granted, and saying goodbye to it. 
When you find it; cherish it. Give it every reason to stay; give it no reasons to go. Hold onto it with both hands, fight for it, protect it, treat it as the most precious and sacred thing that it is. In turn, demonstrate those things that Love inspires in you to the source and reason of that Love. Because no one is guaranteed more than one true Love.

Last week was a BIG Week…

Well, I had to run some errands with my mom last Wednesday and while we were out we talked a lot. As she has gotten older she tells more and more stories from her life, she reminisces a lot. I know a lot of her stories by heart, but I listen intently each time she tells them. We talked about what she would have named a daughter if she had had one, not realizing she was talking to her daughter. 

As the day wore on she began to speak about my girlfriend and how she is such a lovely, wonderful woman. I was immediately emotional, because I’ve been in a constant state of worry about our relationship for weeks. My mom could sense something is very wrong. But I could not immediately tell her. 

Eventually, I was able to tell her. She sat and listened actively, asking questions and explaining her thoughts and worries. She was glad to hear that things went well for me at work. We both knew it would be difficult to tell my dad. We even discussed some methods of how or when, but we were both rather inconclusive on the matter, and shelved it temporarily. 

Not telling dad was upsetting her terribly. Her sleep was being impacted, she was emotionally distraught. Sometime last Friday night she broke down and told him. She said he never said a word about it; he just listened. He has not said a word to me about it, but he is talking to me; we’ve laughed and shared jokes, and on the outside you’d think nothing is wrong. He may be in denial, he may be processing. It’s difficult to say or know his thoughts. 

But he was the next to last barrier to transition. All that is left is my girlfriend and oldest child. My child isn’t so much a barrier as a “Must tell.”As distant as my girlfriend has been, that may be easier than I would like. She seems less and less invested in us. She has said she will always be in my life; the subtext being that she just won’t Love me the way I need and want her to. Which means once again I’m good enough to have in a life, but not good enough for a relationship.

 I do not think she understands that the subtle nuances that made her Love Me to begin with are not part of friendship with me. There are very distinct differences between being My Love and my friend. I mean, you are reading about a woman who differentiates between Love and love. So undoubtedly, there would be distinctions between Love and friend, because even the Love I have for my closest of friends is distinctly different from the Love I have for my partner, including the ways I demonstrate such. There cannot be any having the cake and eating it too when it comes to my Love and affection.  I hope she would sincerely want my friendship under those circumstances, and not just hang on to the parts of me she thought she could. 
Ever & Always,

Cadence Elizabeth

I may have named my blog Wrong…

It seems that no matter how hard I work at it, I cannot seem to make this blog about my Love. I find it, but it is always short lived. It’s never unconditional. I always end up lamenting where it all went wrong, and wishing I had just not bothered. 

Which is where I’m at presently; despite her continued presence in my life. She has said she will stay until she cannot, that she cannot stay until I fully transition. She Loves me, just not Unconditionally. So maybe love with a lower case L would be more apropos. Regardless, she loves me, she loves everything I bring to the relationship table. She understands that everything she loves about me stems from Cadence. But she fell for what’s left of my masculinity. That’s what she wants, and unfortunately, I cannot promise that for much longer. 

So rather than lose me immediately, she wants to hang onto me, let me keep her company, be wooed and dated by me, until the presence of Cadence pushes her out or away. I’m good enough to date; not good enough to Love. Once again, Love just isn’t enough.