I may have named my blog Wrong…

It seems that no matter how hard I work at it, I cannot seem to make this blog about my Love. I find it, but it is always short lived. It’s never unconditional. I always end up lamenting where it all went wrong, and wishing I had just not bothered. 

Which is where I’m at presently; despite her continued presence in my life. She has said she will stay until she cannot, that she cannot stay until I fully transition. She Loves me, just not Unconditionally. So maybe love with a lower case L would be more apropos. Regardless, she loves me, she loves everything I bring to the relationship table. She understands that everything she loves about me stems from Cadence. But she fell for what’s left of my masculinity. That’s what she wants, and unfortunately, I cannot promise that for much longer. 

So rather than lose me immediately, she wants to hang onto me, let me keep her company, be wooed and dated by me, until the presence of Cadence pushes her out or away. I’m good enough to date; not good enough to Love. Once again, Love just isn’t enough. 

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3 thoughts on “I may have named my blog Wrong…

  1. I’m sorry to hear that Cadence. Especially since I think that may be what unfortunately happens to me as my journey continues. It’s so frustrating to wrap your brain around isn’t it. She loves you, but she doesn’t.

    Happy thoughts and true empathy sent your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Tess. I’m still not giving up. She may yet change her mind and stay, she may go and stay gone, or she may go and then come back. I’ve resolved myself to those possibilities. But in the end I have to Love myself and validate myself first and foremost. Nobody else can do that.

      It is a bit of a conundrum. An ex-girlfriend who has been supporting me through this says I’m not an easy person to let go; that I “relationship well.” That’s why My GF can’t bring herself to punch out. She just as afraid of not finding somebody as I am of not finding someone like her.

      I sent this to one of my ex’s who is coaching and supporting me through this;

      ” But she needs to feel my absence.And if it pushes her away, then I’ll Lovingly let her go.And if she asks why, I’ll let her know that her absence to me was noticeable and that rather than fight her I just resolved to Lovingly let her go. So that she would always remember that I Loved her like no other, so much so that I let her go Lovingly and peacefully. That I’ll always Love her like no other and I’ll always be willing to welcome her back into my arms.That may make me a doormat. But I cannot help how I feel. I’m a woman in Love. And sometimes that just doesn’t make sense to anyone but the woman in Love.

      I hope she realizes I’ve ruined her in the most beautiful of ways. That nobody can or will Love her like I have, or like I do.”

      I hope it speaks volumes that I have no less than six ex-girlfriends helping and supporting me through this. They legitimately want me happy. So that bolsters my spirits.

      My hope is to not burn any bridges in my transition. All I can do is wrap my Love around her, let her make her decisions, and give her as many reasons to stay as I possibly can.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! You’re reply to me moved me even more then you’re original post. I think you’ve got a real good handle on things and you most definitely are not a doormat. You are indeed a woman in love, who in my opinion is doing the right thing (that also happens to be a very difficult thing to do). Keep loving yourself, and keep loving her and all the good things in your life and I’m confident it will work out well for you – regardless.

    I am awed by your strength and compassion.

    Liked by 1 person

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