Valentines Eve outing 2015

Well, my Valentine’s Eve outing sort of started the day before that on the 12th. I was running errands, trying to do everything that needed my attention on my day off so I could clear the schedule on the 13th; this would allow me to completely indulge myself in Caden for the day, and not have to hurry to do anything. I already had Miss Girlfriends Valentines day covered, so all was set.

My day sort of started with that awkward call from Ulta about my makeover with Rachel. The phone call sort of put me in the right mindset, and I was able to get things done, because my goal was in sight.

I stayed up until 2:30 that night trying on outfits, trying to find the right look, and to accommodate for the cold day we were supposed to have. Not only was I getting the makeover, which I highly recommend, but Rachel was also going to take some head-shots of me for a CD/TG Magazine I’m going to contribute to. So I wanted to be dressed warm since there was no way to know how long the photos might take.

So I finally managed to get to bed, and woke up at 7:15 to finish my prep work, and get rolling out of the door. I got my Caden bags out to the car, under-dressed under my boy clothes, and I was off and running. I just had one thing I had to take care of; playing cupid. I had to go pick up and take flowers to Miss Girlfriend, her mom, and Molly. So I was off and running.

Once playing cupid was done, and I had retrieved my camera gear from Miss Girlfriend, I was on my way to Ulta for the makeover with Rachel. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to eat breakfast in my rush. That’s a bad thing when you’ve had Bariatric surgery. Thankfully, Miss Girlfriend had given me a thing of beef jerky anticipating I’d forget. (What would I do without her?!) So I snacked on that, drank some water, and arrived at Ulta with only thirty minutes to put my face on.

Of course I was only going to put on very minimal makeup, but whats a CD/TG to do right? So I skated with bare minimums, but I have to say, despite a lack of beard cover, it looked pretty good. I wasn’t going to convince anyone, certainly not the makeup artist, but it made me feel comfortable enough, and THAT is what matters. So when I got done, Rachel and I went in, and we started our makeovers.

I have to say, wearing makeup in was good for an additional reason; she had to wash it off of me, which was sort of like a mini-facial rolled into the whole thing. I can only imagine what a full facial would feel like. That is now on my list of things to do as well. While doing my makeup, the artist also told me about their Brow Bar; essentially, you go in, they map out your brow lines, and find the best curve for your face. I’m hoping to do that, so that I can find that perfect delicate balance between femme and metro so I can keep them shaped that way. Anyhow, that is for another visit, another time.

So the artist did an amazing job on me; I was stunned when I looked at myself. And to make it better, she accomplished it without all of that heavy beard cover!! I tried to make as comprehensive a list as I could of what she used, but I am sure I missed some details. I bought about five items that day, but will be buying more very soon. I did learn of one thing; Urban Decay All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray. It’s like hair spray for your makeup…sort of. That stuff turned out to be an awesome find. My makeup stayed perfect most of the day. I also found a new lip color I adore, Laura Geller Chili Spice. Totally awesome color. Also found the perfect eyeliner marker for trying to learn how to do those perfect cat eye effects.

The hair beautician also recommended to me a product for getting rid of beard stubble, I think she said it is called shave magic for men. I have to take that with a grain of salt; I’ve always been told it was an ethnic hair product, and too rough on Caucasian skin. I will try it and let you know. But if it works like they said it would, makeup will be even easier.

So after we got done with the makeovers, we went to Longhorn’s for lunch. That was where the only negative for the day took place. While  in the restroom, my Fitbit got flushed down the toilet. I shan’t go into detail; not so much that its bad, just that it wouldn’t be lady like, and its about the restroom.

So once we left Longhorns, we drove to a nice little historic site called Wormsloe for my photos. There is this awesome avenue from the public road up to the old plantation that is lined with trees. Even when I was a photographer, I just have this thing for tree lined avenues.

Anyhow, Rachel took some amazing shots of me! For the first time in my life, I actually enjoyed being in front of the camera. I was able to ham it up, be me, look pretty, and it just felt natural to be in front of the camera. It is still difficult for me to smile for the camera; I feel I haven’t found my femme smile. My smile feels far too masculine and forced. But even my smile as a guy feels forced. I’ve never smiled for pictures. It may be a circular argument in a way; I detest pictures as a boy, so I do not smile, but since I do not smile, they insist on me smiling and taking even more pictures, thereby making me detest male pictures all the more. This then makes me leery of cameras as Caden, and makes it tougher for me to warm up to the camera.

I digress; again. So anyhow, I really was starting to warm up to the camera this time, despite the cold temps, and Rachel was becoming a natural with talking me through it and getting great shots.

So we drove back to my car and had a really deep and fun conversation before she had to go. It was at that point that I fully realized that we had grown closer as friends since we talked about Caden that first time. I’m the same person to her either way, but this has certainly brought us closer, and given us a way to experience our friendship in bigger ways, with far more freedom.

Eventually Rachel had to go, however Miss Girlfriend had managed to get off from work early, and met me at a local mall. We were shopping, but also with a purpose; to find the perfect dress for our cruise.

We started at Macy’s, where I tried on an armful of clothes. We narrowed it down to a cute asymmetrical black skirt and a brown asymmetrical cardigan. I can never have enough drapes and cardigans; have to disguise my shoulders and arms!

We then went to Ross, where we found a cute polka dot dress (I’m crazy for polka dots, I think that ties in to my love of pinup art), a cute black dress with a mesh hem, a black floral lace top , and a cute black and floral sheath dress.

Before I knew it, it was dinner time. Caden had to go because we were not sure if Miss Girlfriends mom would be joining us for dinner. But I was able to make a quick change, and join Miss Girlfriend for dinner. It was a simply awesome day and I spent it with two amazing and beautiful women. My life is richer and fuller for having them both in it.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

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THE Sorority: Savannah… most certainly not a failure

In an article a few weeks back, I spoke of a Sorority I had attempted to start up here in Savannah. The idea was to create a social and support group that was geared towards a classier presentation and did not delve into the seedier side of things with all the sex. Something this area desperately needed. I had such high hopes for the effort, I had monumental goals too.

I set about setting up a message board for it, and an infant website. Before I knew it, It had twenty members! I was ecstatic, my dream was starting to come true. The bylaws were coming together, we had a group voting on prospective members, it was all coming together nicely.

To this day, I cannot say what happened exactly. But activity dropped off, new membership dropped off; it was devastating to me. THE Sorority: Savannah represented a dream of mine, on a grand scale. I had a vision where the membership dues could eventually go towards a clubhouse, with locker space and changing rooms tailored to our needs, so that sisters who needed to store stuff and change on premise, could. There wa a plan to have bar space, as well as social dens, and our own little ballroom. I was intending to use a business model utilized by Swingers clubs that I had previously visited when I was active in that lifestyle. Those clubs allowed nonmembers to buy into a certain level of access to the club, so that should they decide to show, they were already a member, and had certain perks afforded them. However they would not be full members. Full members of course would pay for that privilege as well.

As I said; I had big dreams. There are several reasons I think membership waned; there were about three key events which took place around that same time. Nothing terrible, there was a specific member I recruited due to her connections within the local community, there were a drive to have our first group outing, and a member had been voted on, and subsequently turned down as a prospect, due to their stalking of one of the newer members. The system we had put in place worked. It allowed us to filter out someone who was a risk to membership and sisters alike. We later learned that the girl in question tended to have a predatory nature with a lot of other CD’s and TG’s. The member I recruited, well, I had heard things, and she had her own groups as well; so I can only wonder what her motives were. But I seriously wonder if the group meeting is what truly shut things down. None o the ladies who were members struck me as being fully or really even part time out. I wonder if perhaps the Sorority was too much too soon, and if they withdrew out of fear of what they felt they were getting themselves into.

I tried to be a good cheerleader; to be positive and supportive, not pushy or demanding, and I feel I had made a few really decent friends. But even those friendships dried up out of nowhere. So for a long time, I took the failure of the Sorority very personal. I felt I had failed to organize it properly, and I felt I had failed as a friend somehow since even those friendships had dried up and flitted away. But then I realized; I had tried. I had stepped from my comfort zones, that safe place where people wish somebody would create or do something that they know they need or want, the safe place where dreams and daydreams happen. I stepped from that safe place into the place of doing it, creating it. I actually made it; it was there for the taking. It was tangible and real, and I had offered it to others. They had simply failed to see my vision, or wish to see it through, or partake. Maybe they lacked the resolve or courage, and no amount of cheerleading I could do would have changed that. I had lived up to my part of the bargain. I created the space for them to be, I had offered my support and my friendship. I had not failed.

That experience served as a springboard for my jump into blogging. I waited a year before I took the leap, I even took a hiatus from Crossdressers.com (not that dramatic kind of “I’m taking a hiatus,” just a quiet sort of semi-lurking.) I was a little gun-shy, I had realized I had not failed, but I did not wish to see my blogging efforts turn out similar to my efforts with the Sorority. But despite that fear and those reservations, I decided to take that leap again. I wrote from my heart, mingled it with the deeper and introspective parts of my mind and soul. And it began to come together. Hoping not to jinx it; but it is still coming together, I certainly hope it will continue to get bigger, and reach it’s audience at every turn. I have legitimately enjoyed every turn in the road of blogging so far, I’ve met amazing people, been able to have amazing opportunities, and expand my horizons as Caden. I now feel like I have more of an identity as Caden, but I also feel as though Caden has a place and purpose in this world now.

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane
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[Sarcasm] Just so you know…there is a gay Disney agenda

I was doing some research on crossdressing/ transgender trips on Disney Cruise Lines. I already had my answer from Miss Girlfriend, but I wanted to see what experiences other CD’s or TG’s had encountered on DCL before. While searching, I found a blog that turned my stomach. Now please keep in mind, I do not like to attach politics of any kind to Caden. But to me, this falls under the mantle of activism. For full disclosure, I’m a devout Libertarian, because I believe in personal freedom and being me, without anybody trying to regulate or legislate it out of me. I see the presently existing two-party system as a false paradigm furthered to make people think they have a choice, that they believe in something, when all it is, is merely bread and circuses designed to create in-fighting amongst the respective members so no end roads can be made as far as free thinking, or more acceptable answers. This is about as political as I’m going to get friends, and I will not entertain any political debate here; as I said, this is Caden’s space, and I detach politics from that. This paragraph merely represents me providing full disclosure of my beliefs, so if there is a slant to my writing, it is obvious, and you may understand why.

So on to the offending blog; I hate to mention the name of the blog, but it will eventually be a necessary evil. After reading their articles, while I hesitate to call them that, it became obvious they are evil, hate filled individuals, with their own agenda and an axe to grind. The first article of theirs I encountered was entitled;

DISNEY CRUISE LINES GAY AGENDA: (GAYCRUISE) Trying to turn young American boys into young American Girls “Even children know something is Wrong!”

Yes, quite a title. Now you might feel that same churning of the stomach I felt. Please use discretion in going to their blog, as it may very well be a click farm, and they may simply write inflammatory articles to generate clicks in order to garner ad revenue. It sickens me that people would do such a thing, and it sickens me more I may fall prey to such, but without proof otherwise, who is to say? But if they do not merely write this tripe for clicks, then I shudder to think that there are Americans that think like these fellows. Please do not get me wrong, I am not naive’. I know there are vast swaths of Americans that have such narrow views. There is simply no way to ignore that prospect. It was obvious before I ever made my presence on the internet evident. It was the primary reason I felt guilt and shame for just being who I was; because narrow minded fools felt morally obliged to shove their narrow views down my throat under the guise of education, religion, parenting, morality and ethics. I suppose what is angering me is not the fact it exists, but that it still exists, and people like these two blog owners feel obligated to further their hate filled rants. What is worse; they still have an audience. They make very simple assertions, make baseless statements and claims, and appear for all intents in my opinion, delusional.

Firstly, they have the audacity to title their blog TrueDemocracyParty.net . I mean seriously, they attack large swaths of America, and claim they represent a true democratic mindset, or an accurate representation of the voting block?!? Oh, they must have conveniently forgotten that the very type of government they espouse is a government of, for and by The People, not the right people, or the left people. They also forgot we are a Constitutional republic, one which is still designed to represent the people. ALL of the people. But they end up coming off as some sort of twisted elitists who want to be able to pick and choose who is accepted and validated in their version of what society should look like. I suppose blond haired and blue eyed may be on their agenda too. They do mention the Jewish Gay Agenda. So I imagine they subscribe to all manner of conspiracy theory. Of course they do; later in the article, they mention the illuminati of all things.

I apologize; my emotion is getting the better of me. So anyhow, back to these bloggers. They then equate, in a rather sloppy and ham-fisted manner that because Disney doesn’t have a plethora of positive male characters on the cruise, that DCL is promoting a gay agenda. They also go on to suggest that Disney is trying to turn little boys into little girls. As if Disney had both the ability and the inclination, and that the two things are not mutually exclusive. Of course, they are so wrapped up in their hate; they refuse to see beyond the gender binary, and of course, they fall for that age old trap of, “well if you want to wear women’s clothes, you MUST be gay!”

So if we follow their logic, if an organization lacks specific male characters, then it must be gay?! So Mattel’s Barbie line is gay? I mean, they occasionally market a Ken doll, and certainly not to the level of Barbie and cohorts. The Bratz line is all female, so they must have a gay agenda too! What I want to know is, how exactly is Disney going to turn little boys into little girls? I saw them ranting and raving about it, and they had plenty of people they wished to blame, but like I suggested earlier, all baseless. If Disney has a gay agenda, I’d rather embrace their agenda, than the hate-filled one they are spewing.

I do apologize that this is not my usual positive approach to my blog. Despite the age of that supposed article, I saw it, and it drew my ire. I had to vent that ire lest it sit there and grow worse. But hate agenda’s like theirs have no place in civilized society; it is just too bad they do not see their hate for what it is. They just hide behind their cowardice and agenda, and act as though that is all the justification they need.

Ever & Always,

A Caden Lane who doubts the validity of the human race tonight

Navigating in the pink fog… a first timer makeover

As my subscribers will recall, I recently found out my dear friend Rachel had been told by Mrs. Ex-wife bout my crossdressing. When she recently confided in me about this, I was able to confide in her about the extent my dressing had taken recently, and I found in her a true friend; someone who could accept me either way I presented. We recently had lunch where we had plenty of girl talk, and got caught up on a lot of details that were missed out on over the years because of the obvious barriers that existed prior. It was an awesome afternoon. We were both kind of gushing about it, and were sort of giggly too. I had very much needed that.

So anyhow, while we were eating, we resolved to get makeovers together at Ulta. We’ve since both scheduled our makeovers for next Friday. I have to say, I am beyond excited about it. This will be my first actual makeover, and to top it off, we are doing a quick photo shoot afterwards so I can get a headshot for an on-line magazine I am a contributor to now. So it’s looking to be an eventful busy day, and I cannot contain my excitement. I’m already looking at some shoes and outfits I’m considering purchasing for the photo shoot, and feeling fairly indecisive to boot. She is just as excited as I am, and she has an enthusiasm in seeing my reactions and excitement. She is truly happy for me that I am happy. Anyhow, I felt compelled to share this since it has been on my mind for a few days now. I guess I am sort of bumping around in the pink fog a bit. Since I try not to indulge the fog too much, I think I may enjoy this episode a bit; I’ve certainly earned it.

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane

Ever & Always, Caden Lane

I was recently asked where my tagline of “Ever & Always” comes from. I am a student of history, specifically in this case Civil War Love letters. Usually, historical letters are tedious and boring to me, but one day I happened upon a collection of Civil War Love letters, and was entranced. The prose in some was poetic and beautiful; laced with wording that evoked strong emotion, despite not knowing those who wrote or received those letters.

It became apparent to me that we often greatly underestimate those from that era; we think many of them poorly educated, we surmise they were mostly illiterate. While there may be a great many misspellings, or grammatical errors, there is still an inherent beauty to the words they selected.

So I was reading an entry from a soldier J.C.Morris to his wife beloved wife, Amanda. It was the closing tag line that caught my eye. I instantly loved it, and while the language was too specific for everyday use, I felt I was able to capture its meaning in a much shorter, more modern usage. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did, and I hope you see the beauty that I saw.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane