Love Transcends

There is one truth in life that surpasses all other truths; that in its purest form can transcend all barriers. In its purest form, it can bridge the distances, connect times and memories, transcend wealth or beauty, social status, race, gender, religion, political difference, allegiance or loyalty. We often do not choose it, we cannot choose it; it usually chooses us. Often it catches us unawares and unprepared. It is such a powerful truth, it can transcend the entire breadth of our human existence. There is an inherent beauty in the truth that has more beauty than the most beautiful newborn baby, the most colorful and awe inspiring sunrise, sunset, or tropical isle. 
That one truth is Love. Love can erase the lines that keep people apart. It can be a driving force for change, it can be the glue that binds people together. It can connect two people who for no other reason would ever connect. Love can take a man or woman or any combination thereof, and make them vow to change for the better and mean it. It can make a better person of anyone who truly experiences it; it can bring out the best in a person. It doesn’t matter how we Love or who we Love, sometimes it doesn’t even matter what that Love looks like; so long as we Love. Because it is then that Love lives, and breaths, meets it’s purpose, is multiplied and truly blessed. 
The sad truth about the Love truth is; it’s so fleetingly rare. In its truest, most unconditional form, it is not found easily, and when it is, it is not always understood. It can be misconstrued, devalued or cheapened, negotiated away, mistaken for something else, denied or refuted. We are so not used to seeing it, feeling it, or experiencing it, demonstrating it or communicating it; we often lack the ability to see it, fully appreciate or interpret it for what it is, and what it can do. These misunderstandings often lead to us taking it for granted, and saying goodbye to it. 
When you find it; cherish it. Give it every reason to stay; give it no reasons to go. Hold onto it with both hands, fight for it, protect it, treat it as the most precious and sacred thing that it is. In turn, demonstrate those things that Love inspires in you to the source and reason of that Love. Because no one is guaranteed more than one true Love.

Merry Christmas to All…

A very Merry Christmas to You and Yours. My GF and I celebrated Christmas the other night when I was off, and I celebrated Christmas with my children and parents yesterday before I laid down to sleep so I could work last nights shift. If you are hoping for my usual cheery positive brand of post, this may not be it. I’m fresh out of positive spin. So reader beware. 

I may have gone overboard on my GF’s presents; secretly I keep hoping that she will value me so much she won’t want to lose me, even if I do transition into living as Cadence full time. I’m beginning to feel like I’m setting myself up for failure though. Her presents for me were thoughtful and inspired; for my male aspect she got me a long sleeve tee shirt, but rather than other colors, she chose pink graphics and text, on a gray shirt. Even though it was a gift for my male aspect, she still tried to appease me. My Cadence gift blew my mind though; silver earrings with my birth stone and her birth stone set into them. For my birthday in three days she ordered a solitaire of my birthstone set into a matching pendant. I was drawn to tears when I saw it.

She’s trying so hard, but she is so very torn, and still speaking in absolutes. I’m beginning to think that my hopes of her ever Loving and accepting me fully as Cadence are all for naught. I don’t think she can do it, and I’m beginning to feel it’s not fair of me to ask her to. As much as I Love her, I’m asking her to change who she is and what she wants. She is being selfish by wanting me to stay the way I am, I’m being selfish by hoping she will change or concede. My heart continues to break. 

My family did not put as much thought into my gifts as I did theirs, I could see it on their faces as they opened them, and their hesitance to present me with mine. I already feel like the rainbow sheep of the family, and they don’t even know yet. 

I’ve seen posts on my Cadence Facebook page of various Trans friends lamenting being Trans/ Queer during Christmas… I’ve seen positive stories of family using new first names for the first time on gifts, and I’ve read horror stories of people left out of family plans. 

I’m sure it’s my mood concerning my beautiful GF, my families lack of thought, my coming birthday and the magic of Christmas being done and gone.  But I’m feeling like I have to look up to see bottom. 

My former Supervisor, the moron Barbie that outed me… the other day she bitterly wrote me a series of text messages where she accused me of fabricating my story about her outing me, and how Karma is real and it’ll come back full circle and get me, and how she misjudged me thinking I’m a sincere, genuine and true person. Barbie,  If you’re reading this, there’s a recording of your ass doing it, a minimum of eight written statements detailing it and that’s NOT counting the conversation you had with you know who about how I was a good fit for the Sexual Assault Investigator, because of my obvious feminine traits. Deny and spin all you like, it doesn’t change the truth, and your character has been laid bare for all to see. It’s unfortunate the University dragged it’s feet in disciplining you for it; you managed to hang onto your numbers. The result is you feel vindicated, which is also unfortunate. But there is a large group of people who know the truth about who you are, what you do and how two-faces you really are. I take solace in that. And if you have any other communications for me, make them through my attorney, you’ll know his name. 

And now that that’s out of my system,I too am a little bitter. Because I agreed to work an additional four hours today for a Lieutenant who wanted to spend first Christmas with her newborn. On its face a very noble thing; For one of two possible people who probably told my former supervisor what I was saying about her and what I thought of her. I’m too goddamn nice. That’s my problem. Maybe that’s one thing I need to change going into the new year. 

Sorry for rambling. I’m emotional, hormones are in a tizzy, and I’m mentally and physically exhausted. Sorry if I have offended or anything. I’m certainly not feeling like myself. But I’ve had a lot on my heart and mind of late, and it’s all catching up with me. I pray your Christmas has been wonderful and that your New Year is amazing and awe inspiring in its entirety. 

Ever & Always,


Drive the place like you own it… Or stole it!

Recently, another CD posed a question in a Facebook group we are both members of. She said,
“So I might be making my first step out with others in public for the 1st time in April, is there anything I need to know as a cross dresser…”

Among the many responses, mine was,
“Wherever you are, act like you own it. Thats the best way to have fun, and have confidence. Remember poise and posture, don’t slump your shoulders, walk with your shoulders back, and smile. The night will be yours, so just enjoy it!”

A few days later I received a private message from her asking how could she do the things I had suggested. I went on to explain to her what I’ve found to make outings more enjoyable. By acting like you own the place, you act sort of like the hostess. Engage people, simply ask if they are having a good time at the club or party. Find ways to enter the conversation that way, it allows you to be engaging. Act and feel like the party revolves around you; that you are the life of the party.

This makes you more approachable, and people will interpret it as confidence. Confidence is a hell of an aphrodisiac, but it also makes people want to talk to you and be around you. Be positive and outgoing.

When I say do not slump your shoulders, there are several reasons. The first is presentation. Slumped shoulders is a decidedly un-feminine trait and behavior. If you slump your shoulders, odds are you will be read or “clocked” as a crossdresser. If we can avoid this, we should.

Second is body language; if anyone walks around, shoulders slumped, they give the impression of someone who has lost hope and/or lacks confidence. As I alluded earlier; confidence is what you wish to exude. It is difficult to shake a person with confidence, so most people will not try. Meaning, even if they clock or read you, but you are confident in who you are and that you belong there, they begin to question why. They wonder what or who you may know that makes you so confident. Do you know the hostess or owner? Are you the owner? If you are so confident, then you must be witty enough to counter any slur or degrading remark they might sling at you. There might be some whom would challenge a confident person, but they aren’t exactly known for being bright.

To walk with confidence and poise, walk like you have a string coming out of the top of your head pulling your neck and back straight. Pull your shoulders back in a natural fashion; do not force it, this gives you a natural feminine poise and grace as you walk in heels. That’s the other key; practice this in your heels, but take a book, place it squarely on top of your head. Now walk with your back straight and shoulders back. Not only will this exercise help you find poise, but it will also help you find your proper stride and gait. When you get good enough at it, you’ll be walking at your full high heeled speed, and the book won’t budge.

If you are shy and introverted in your male life, allow your femme self to be everything you aren’t in your day to day life. Then, find a way to bring the positivity and outgoing demeanor to your male life. Think of it this way, this is your chance to re-invent yourself, to be the version of you you’ve always seen as an ideal. You get to take that from just an ideal version, or a vague idea or concept, and bring it into existence. So be something awesome!

Don’t settle for your status quo! There is no reason why we shouldn’t be able to be who we really want to be behind our hair and makeup; nobody knows the real us, unless we let them in that far. But if we do a good enough job re-inventing ourselves into our femme ideal, then we get to take that same energy and life into our male world, and sort of re-invent that too. Because once you taste the zest and life of living a more carefree life as your femme persona, how much would it suck to go back to your drab life, knowing you have to wait to be You again to experience life with that much zest!

So take the parts of you that create that excitement, and blend them into the aspects of your life. Like I said, find your confidence, engage people, do what you wouldn’t ordinarily do (without compromising your morals or scruples) and be who you ordinarily aren’t, what is it going to hurt? They don’t know you. And heres the kicker, if they know you are a crossdresser, they sort of expect you to have a bigger than life personality; they sort of equate CD with drag queen. Which is wrong on a lot of levels, but it works to your favor. So ramp it up a little, have fun with it. Find that inner you thats lurking around in there. If they do not know you are a CD, then they have no metric for comparison; they’ve no idea how fun you are, so show them.

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane