The following posts were made to my male Facebook profile. I finally came to terms with it enough to [ost it here. I was trying to let this [profile remain my safe place; but really I was using to to maintain denial. So here it all is.
February 22nd, 2017
Me: ” Hold on; I’m staring death in the eye, can I get back to you on that?”
What?!? Too soon?!?
For the uninitiated, Monday February 20, 2017 I was diagnosed with a tumor on the back of my right eye. The tumor is partially obstructing my peripheral vision on the nose side of my vision. It’s caused a partial retina detachment and some fluid retention below it.
I’m undergoing some radiological testing to make sure it hasn’t spread, or that it didn’t come from somewhere else.
Radiation treatment is pending, but forthcoming. They are moving with a sense of urgency given how aggressive it and the symptoms have been. Their sense of urgency is calming and terrifying all at the same time.
So now you are inducted into the “I know Cadence has El Cancer,” club.
Rule #1- we don’t talk about “I know Cadence has El Cancer,” club… unless it’s funny. Bring your A game folks.
Rule #2- we talk about “I know Cadence has El Cancer,” club and make it funny, pray, light candles, think good or happy thoughts, or just give me a Chuck Norris thumbs up meme. But none of that Hari Krishna bullshit!
March 1st, 2017
“So what you are saying Doc, is that for seven days, I’ll have a superpower that is essentially a radioactive glare?!?”
So today I had my consult with the surgeon, Radiation oncologist, and Physicist in Greenville, SC. I will be having my first surgery on March 16th. They will be suturing a curved gold disk, made from gold, and covered with radioactive “seeds.” This disk will stay attached to my eye for seven days, irradiating Timmy the Tumor.
So for seven days I will be like a walking X-ray machine or cyclops from the X-Men, or Superman…just without the seeing through stuff part. Which means I’ll have to wear a lead lined eye-patch…Arrrrrrr.
If you feel portions of your anatomy warming up; I just may be gazing in your direction. If I give you the stink- eye during that week, you may want to jot that down as a radiation exposure.
Due to the potential of stunting the growth and/or vaporizing of small unattended children, creating mutant spiders or Spidermen, and melting decorative candles, I will be compelled to isolate myself like a hermit for a week. Seven days later, I’ll be having surgery #2 to remove the gold disk. I’m told the gold apparatus is about 3-5,000 worth of gold. So nobody take me to a bad side of town; I may be put on blocks and stripped of all valuable or serviceable parts.
Once the disk is removed, I will again be a mere mortal, having been stripped of all my super powers. From about six months onward I will however gain a new superpower we are calling around the office, “reduced central vision” or in others words a huge effing blind spot on my right side. So if you want to get away with anything stand on my right side. This new super power will unfortunately be permanent.
March 6th, 2017
Well crap. Okay, so my insurance doesn’t want me to receive care from an out of state specialist. So now I must go to Emory in Atlanta, and start the process all over again with somebody who isn’t number one in the nation for this procedure.
Stay tuned, I’ll let you all know what happens next.
March 8th, 2017
At Emory Eye Center. Maybe it’s just my depression, angst and frustration over Timmy the Tumor… but people need to get better control of their tumors!!!! I meant kids. Really, I did.
So anybody trying to figure out what I mean when I say they are going to attach something to my eye… one of these gold discs are what they will be using. They will place a radioactive seed in some of these slots you see on the disc and epoxy it in place. They will then suture the disk to the back of my eye. So do that they will detach several eye muscles.
To biopsy the tumor they will slice through the white part of the eye near the front, reach in scoop up a little chunk of Timmy and then do “something” (read I don’t want to know) to close the incision.
So far I’ve been told I will have a very lazy eye for a week… they are cutting muscles off, did they think it was going to exercise?!? I’ve been told the radiation will impact my energy levels, that the radiation may make my right eyebrow and eyelashes fall off. Oh yay. I get to look halfway surprised.
If the radiation doesn’t kill the tumor, the tumor comes back or the freckle in that eye near the tumor develops into a tumor, nucleation is the only solution. So I’ve made it clear, if I have to get a fake eye, I want it to look like the terminator eye. I want it to glow red and look robotic. I don’t care if I must charge it daily. I want to be Robocop! Tracy was kind enough to point out today that a blue LED was a bad idea; something about opening myself up to blue ball jokes. That aside, I think a terminator eye would look bad ass and anybody that’d challenge a cop with a robotic eye is just asking for an ass beating. Just saying!