So Thursday of this past week I had an appointment with my psychologist. It was my first one since telling her I was ready for hormones. By the way, I’m still waiting to hear from my GO on my endo referral, but she told me two weeks ago when I had my appointment with her that she’d be gone a week.
I didn’t get to go to this appointment dressed either, but I decided to not block out the feminine mannerisms I display when dress. I allowed myself to cross my legs at the knee, did not mask my hand gestures, assumed a re lined position on the couch and simply allowed myself to exude Cadence confidence.
My doctor commented within a few minutes the amount of confidence and comfort I was exuding. She also described my demeanor as a quiet dignity. She also mentioned my poise, all of this on display despite being dressed in drab male attire. She was ecstatic that I took her advice and was able to integrate my two aspects. She understood that it was simply me trying to be comfortable, and that integration isn’t a long term solution for me.
One thing that doing that allowed me to do was to sit on the couch and not have one of her overstuffed pillows in my lap. I noticed long ago that when I talk with her as Cadence, the pillow stays on the couch. When I go in male mode, that pillow goes on my lap before she even enters the room. So it holds true that all of my behaviors and mannerisms were distinctly Cadence that day.
But I really liked that phrase she used, “quiet dignity.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…
Unfortunately Miss Jennifer and I have broken up. I wish her all the best in her future, however I am saddened that her future does not intertwine with mine as Cadence.
Ever & Always,